Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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