Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
