If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
