I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
