i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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