His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
