apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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