it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
