Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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