I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
