It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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