Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Just cropdusted the office
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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