Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
