goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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