why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
