The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
try to milk me bitch
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
