I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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