The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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