I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Randomize
