I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
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