i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
honey bunches of taint.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
