drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
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deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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