i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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