There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
