I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
