for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
