why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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