Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
