I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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