somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
