This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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