Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
pray to the hookup gods
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
