After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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