I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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