We're facebook friends in real life
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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