I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
