I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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