She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
