Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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