You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
