meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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