just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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