umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Randomize
