That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
