but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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