Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
