I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
