She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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