420 ftw
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
