So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
