Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
