Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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