I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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