So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
