It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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