I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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