I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize