broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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