The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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