The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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