I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
