I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Randomize
