Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
